TA Messages 382 & 383

I’m so sorry.
No. 382 26 December 2008 1:44 PM

Today, everyone, I have something unfortunate that I need to tell you.

The day before yesterday, due to fatigue from overwork, I became anemic, and as a result, I fell down from very high up.
Consequently, I’ve suffered an injury to my right hand.

Yesterday was pretty crazy, I actually went under the knife, and I must say it was very painful, but I was told to take it easy for the next three weeks.

I’m not at all good at taking care of myself, so this kind of accident happening at such a difficult & crucial time of the year is really mortifying, and I’m full of regret about it.
And above all, I am overflowing with apologies to all of you.

I am truly sorry.

In my current state, I’m still unable to hold a microphone, so tonight it was decided that I’ll have to abandon my previously announced Music Station appearance.

To everyone on the Music Station staff, everyone on Ayu’s staff, and everyone awaiting tonight’s broadcast, I can’t find the words to express how very truly sorry I am for troubling you and worrying you with how this situation has turned out.

I think I should spend the days believing in and wishing for my own powers of recovery.

I can definitely say that right up until the very end, this so-called 10th Anniversary year has just had one thing after another go wrong, and this is just another one.
But I think really that on the whole, God is challenging me by handing me all these ordeals, and if I can surmount all these obstacles without running away, then beyond it will be a beautiful, clear sky that stretches endlessly… I feel that I can convey these feelings to you.

I will get stronger and stronger, and things will get better.

The surgery…. was incredibly scary.
But they gave me anaesthesia, and until it kicked in, Bancho was there holding my hand tightly.
You wouldn’t believe how reassuring it was.

I don’t know how much time passed after that, but after awhile the anaesthesia started wearing off bit by bit, making way for an incredibly sharp pain to attack me. But the doctor who did the surgery smiled and said “It’s all okay now,” and at that moment my tension went away instantly. I felt like I was going to cry.

And immediately I thought of you.
I yearned to see your smile.

(soshite sugu ni anata no koto wo omoimashita
anata no egao ni aitai to, setsu ni negaimashita)*

*I included the romaji of that, because there’s a very specific rhythm & structure to those lines that makes me think they’re lyrics, but embarrassing as it is for me to admit, they’re not lyrics I recognize, so maybe someone can help out.

Thank you.
No. 383 29 December 2008 1:37 AM

Everyone’s power is definitely reaching me.

I’m feeling soooo much incredible, strong, kind, precious, dazzling power.

I think perhaps that after everything God has handed me at the last moment this year, our bond may have grown deeper.

Tomorrow is dress rehearsal.

Even though I’m this version of myself, who can’t hold onto a microphone well enough, tomorrow I want to turn myself into someone putting on a magnificent show at Yoyogi, with my usual smile, with my usual staff.

We began to shine, I think no one can stop us from doing anything!!!

If it’s us who begins to shine, then we can find a shining tomorrow!!!!!!! *

Have faith that it’ll work out.

*These two parts were meant to mimic the “Boys & Girls” lyrics.

Quelle: ahsforum